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Friday, April 20, 2012

Everything's gonna be alright

Monday proved to be a very long and trying day for us. Ya know.. one of those days where nothing goes as planned and everything you were planning on getting done, didn't. James had been telling us that he had a tummy ache over the weekend and we kept trying to get him to go to the bathroom but he couldn't seem to go. Well, we thought it  was constipation. I mixed some Mirolax in with his juice/water combo and we hoped that would help. It didn't. We ended up giving him an infant suppository and within a half hour he went. yay! All was right again. Or so we thought. He still every now & then over the next 24 hours said that he had to go, but then couldn't. Life went on. He played, he ate, he acted otherwise normal. We went to a baby gender reveal party on Sunday afternoon for some friends (a lot of fun by the way) and then came home and hung out for a bit before deciding to give the little guy his evening tubby. When we did we noticed that his little guy parts down there looked swollen and a bit red. He didn't seem bothered and was playing with his bath toys as usual. I was concerned but since he didn't seem too bothered I thought maybe it was from messing with them to much (he is a boy,and yes, he does that). After his bath he went to bed like he always does. When we woke the next morn at 7:30 I checked to see if they were "normal" and sure enough they were still swollen. I called his doctor at 9 and they squeezed us in for an appointment. Once we got there and they checked him out even though he wasn't in a lot of pain they sent us for an ultrasound and suspected it could possibly be testicular torsion even though they were surprised he didn't seem to be in much pain. They found an available time slot for us for ultrasound and sent us directly from the office to have it done. The ultrasound lady, Laura, was amazing. James absolutely loved her. She was so kind and good with him. She didn't seem to think it looked like torsion to her but she said she wasn't a doctor and couldn't say for sure but seemed more like infection. (I then breathed for what felt like the first time in a while). She took the pictures and sent them to the doc and we had to wait for doc to call her back. He called, and he wanted us to wait there because he wanted to come have a look himself. umm...okay. We waited. He came. He looked. He double checked. He said it was Torsion and that there was no blood flow getting into his left testicle that we were being sent to a room to be admitted and they would call the surgeon. Are you serious? I just started breathing again! So, being the overly sensitive terrified momma that I am.. the tears were just falling out of my eyes. My poor son. I feel like the worst mother in the entire world by this point. How could this have happened and I not have known? He never had any excruciating pain like they said he should have, he was never doubled over or curled up or anything. The poor kid had to have emergency surgery a year and a half ago already for intussusception (bowel turned over on itself). How could this be happening all over again? What are we being punished for? Why him? Why this? Why now? Why? Why? Why? I needed answers and there were none. It is just one of those awful things that can happen and there is no explanation. Laura walked us all the way to the E.R. she told them we were to take precedence over all others and be taken in immediately. She put her arm around me, she was there for us, and she told me everything would be okay. She was very comforting and extremely kind to us. I am SO thankful that she is the one who was working. She really did help me, just by being sympathetic and understanding. Anyway, we were admitted and taken right up to a room on the surgical level. Doctors came in, talked to us, nurses, etc. It truly was so surreal. Was it really happening again? I tried to keep it together. And I did for the most part, as best as I could. I had to. What choice did I have? Both of my kids were sitting there and they needed to see that I was okay to know everything was going to be okay. It wasn't until Dr. Cullen came in (same Dr. from his last surgery) that I felt like I was able to begin to breathe a little. I felt comfortable with him because he had done such a good job with James surgery the first go round. He even tried to make light of things and told us that on a bright note we were running out of reasons to see him again! They came to take James up for surgery shortly after. When they wheeled him into the surgical area and took him away from me, his little lip quivering, it was the hardest moment for me. The tears spilled out of my eyes. I couldn't control them. I hate what ifs and whys but they consumed me. I was afraid. I was sad. I was angry. I just couldn't understand why this has to all happen so fast. It was so much to process. I am so glad that my husband is my ever present rock and is able to be so strong for all of us. His ability to stay calm during the storm, combined with my continuous prayer was enough to get me through what seemed like he longest hour and a half of my life. The doctor came in and told us that surgery went great and that he thinks that saving James testicle was successful. Time would tell. We had more waiting to endure until James woke up and we were able to see him. When they came to get us I was more excited to see him than I can even begin to express. He was so brave, so big, laying there in his hospital bed. He seemed so calm and that made me begin to relax again. He was okay. The surgery was successful. God was with him and the surgeon did his job well. Thank you! Thank God! We walked up to the pediatric floor and got acquainted with his room. He was cuddly and snugly and he rubbed my face and he kissed me and he was the most angelic little thing ever. He stayed awake until 1 in the morning watching a movie and it felt good to just have him talking to me.. the time and the circumstances were foreign to me. My little boy was okay. Everything was going to be alright. It was. We went for a follow up ultrasound the next morning and it showed that blood flow to the testicle was 90%. We were so so thankful that they were able to save it. I could add more to the story but the truth of the matter is nothing else matters. We are home, he is healing, we are thankful, and by golly we are going to make the most of everyday because you never know when scary things like this can happen. You can't be prepared. But you can pray, and trust, and remember that this too shall pass. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love my God. But most of all I love being a mom, even on the hard days. Even when I can't breathe.

P.S. Monday is his follow up appointment. I am not sure if it is "normal" or "wierd" or whatever but I plan on getting a gift for both Laura and the doctor to take to them. Something to say thank you, and something to remember James by. I am not 100% sure what just yet though. I have some ideas. What is a good gift idea for them? Feel free to share! Thanks!

***update: I got the doc a tie (he loved it thankfully AND his bday was the following day, sweet!) and for Laura we found a cute angel wing necklace and an equally cute notepad and she was enamored that we even thought of her. I love putting a smile onpeoples faces and making them feel special. Good day! ***

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